Okay, I’m not going to keep you in suspense. The word is “but.” And, yes, it can lead to BIG relationship problems. Read on.

Newsflash: Most of us are not great listeners.

Oh sure, we incline our heads in each other’s direction, show great eye-contact and even mutter a helpful “uh huh” here and there. We put on a really good show. Or at least I know I do. After all, I get a lot of practice, being as it’s my job and all.

But behind this attentive façade is a virtual mind-field of narcissistic thoughts that distract us from really listening . . . so many, in fact, that most of us end up listening, not in order to understand, but in order to respond.

And by respond I mean rebut. As in oppose.

So that doesn’t work, right? Because if our goal is to come up with a good rebuttal to our partner’s position, in effect to win the argument, then how can we truly be listening to them? Enter BIG relationship problems . . .

[This post is an excerpt from an article I originally wrote for YourTango.com. Click here to read the entire piece! ]